Monday, August 16, 2010

The Snake...A Love Story...

On a glorious Saturday afternoon not that long ago, the woman of the house and her hubsters were tidying up the little homestead in preparation for friends coming to dine and spend a relaxing evening together. All were looking forward to the feast and the time they would have together catching up on each others lives and and telling stories long into the evening hour.
The woman of the house swept the back porch of it's Halloween-like spider webs so everyone could relax in splendor after much food and drink had been consumed. She gaily listened to the baby house wrens that were being raised in one of her own hand painted birdhouses as she went about her chore.
Little did any of them realize that soon their lives would be filled with terror...

Lurking underneath the porch unknown to the woman of the house was the big, bad blacksnake. He, too was out enjoying the glorious Saturday and was coming to partake in the dining and relaxing experience.
The woman of the house finished her sweeping on the porch and came down to sweep the decks and the sidewalk that leads to her office door when, out of the corner of her aging eye, she caught a movement. The woman of the house was not alarmed as for she thought it was her friend the chipper chimpmunk coming to look for some thistle.
Little did the woman of the house know that within a second or two her heart rate and blood pressure would sky rocket - for she is deathly afraid of the big black snake.
Neither moved once they spotted each other. It was like a scene from a western movie. Who would make the first move?
The woman of the house did what any good woman would do - she called in the door to her partner in crime and told him to get some gloves that she had a chore for him.
Soon enough, the partner in crime aka the hubsters came to see his chore. Seems he's not too fond of the big black snake either. Whilst the two stood and debated the situation, the big black snake had enough and decided to slither into the woodpile right outside the office door at which they stood. Slowly, the woodpile was removed until the big black snake was spotted. Viola!
The woman of the house and her partner in crime tried in vain to pick up the big black snake with the pitchfork so they could put him in the meadow where he belonged. The big black snake had other ideas and slithered off under the deck where the party was soon to begin.

The woman of the house went back to her chores and her partner in crime left to go to town to purchase the vast quantities of alcohol they would need for the evening.

All was going well. The woman of the house went to the garden to pick corn fresh for the evening dinner. She came back to the little house with her fresh, picked corn and sang gaily washing the silk away while looking out her kitchen window at her cleanly swept back porch.

Shortly here after, with all her chores completed, the woman of the house decided to go sit on her back porch and enjoy the moment before getting ready for the party. It was only then that she noticed.......

the big black snake had returned and to a most unwelcome place at that! The woman of the house panicked! He was after her beloved baby wrens! So, thinking fast, the woman of the house did what any qualified snake hunter would do - she threw a pillow at him!
The big black snake turned and laughed at this stupid woman... in turn, this made the woman of the house angry. She went below to get the pitchfork to once again try to remove him and return him to the meadow. It was a struggle of wits and muscle. The big black snake would not give in. He wanted those birds for dinner!
Just then, the woman of the house felt the strength of all her female homesteaders before her and felt empowered!! She then dutifully clunked the big black snake on the back and he fell to the deck below. Ha! You'll not have the birds this day! And with that, the big black snake slithered away.

The afternoon adventures soon gave way to friends and food, great beer, chilled wine, and a night of conversation. The tale of the big black snake was told like a legend being passed down through time. Little did any of them know that soon the big black snake would act out his revenge!
As the ladies came to the back porch to relax, the woman of the house noticed the big black snake had returned looking for his dinner. She yelled to her friends that the snake had returned.

As quick as a cat stealing ham out of your sandwhich, the woman of the house's friend turned and grabbed the big black snake with her bare hands! Such a feat!
The big black snake held tight - he had food at stake. But, the snake whisperer used her female charms and wooed the snake free of its hold on the railing.

Soon the men heard the commotion and came to sight see, but, the women had it under control. The snake whisperer talked kindly to the big black snake and soon he understood why this was not his home.

So, all the guests and the partner in crime escorted the big black snake to his home in the meadow guided only by their intuition and a flashlight. The woman of the house dutifully stayed behind to make sure the libations spread about were safe and sound.
And they lived happily ever after - for now.
The End.


  1. Far OUT !!! She picked it up just like that !!!
    We have plenty of experiences with snakes here but I use loooong BBQ tongs to pick them up if they are small and INSIDE the house. If they are big ones I'm afraid it's the flat shovel to the head. No fooling around here with piosonous snakes!
    Was yours a poisonous one?

  2. Your friend is indeed brave. I would never touch a snake, haha. I would hide until the hubby had it firmly in hand and removed it. ;)

  3. Eeesh! Your friend is about ten times braver than me! I'm asking the same question as Helsie: poisonous or not?

  4. Non-poisonous. We only have two venomous snakes here in Maryland - Timber Rattlesnake and the Copperhead. We're just a tad east for the rattlesnakes, but, copperheads abound in our area.
    My friend is indeed brave. I'm such a wimp!

  5. Listen- any woman who can wear her hair that red can't be afraid of ANYTHING. More power to her!!

    That was one big, black, snake. Hope he stays in the meadow.

  6. Yikes! What a brave lady - did she know it was non-poisonous I wonder. Loved your story-telling and the photos are great!

    Hope he has got the message and stays away now!


  7. Great story! Does your friend hire herself out?

  8. Snake whisperer here! Thanks for all your kind comments. I think snakes are wonderful. I told this snake that he was much better off where we put him and hopefully he won't be back to disturb the baby birds! I do hire out! :-)

  9. OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This story was definitely filled with twists and turns. What a brazen fella. That goodness there aren't any snakes that size here in New England. I would have a heart attack.

    What a brave friend you have there. I'm assuming he is not poisonous?

  10. I so enjoyed the tale of the big black snake. Your friend Dorothy has a very special gift. This would make a wonderful film, 'The Snake Whisperer'